He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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