I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
