I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
