nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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