I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
