I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
