I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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