He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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