Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
grandma shit on top of the toilet
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
