You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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