No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I have post one night stand depression
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