On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
