I just threw up on my dentist
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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