All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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