I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
