She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
