oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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