fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
