what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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