Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
