it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
