her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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