I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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