every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The cops high fived after they tackled you
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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