Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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