Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
