u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
