Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My pussy is not your playground.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
