He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
