No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
