just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
