i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
