Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Best friends brother. Beat that.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
