i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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