it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
