so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
