I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
