I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize