You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
