I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The ass gains better be worth it
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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