My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
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