he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize