I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
