She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
