I've blown a few things in my day
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
