he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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