What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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