We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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