Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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