How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
