I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
