3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Less talking, more tequila
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Randomize
