All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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