...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
