I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
