I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
