Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
