I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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