Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
