So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
