I must be too annoying 4 u.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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