i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize