My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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