Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
