Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
