I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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