the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
