Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
