We're facebook friends in real life
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
