If i come over, it means nothing
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
