Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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