you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So much rum. So many feels.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
