Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
