I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
