dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
