someone threw a dead crab at me
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
