is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
